Whoops, it's been a whole week

I realize I have let an entire week go by without posting. It’s been part because I’ve been busy, and part that I’ve been a fucking whackjob lately. PMS? Deploymentitis? Whatever the reason, I’m here now. To recap on the past few days…

*It is August! Which means I will be seeing Shane NEXT MONTH
*I interviewed Slayer’s Dave Lombardo on Friday for my magazine, Define The Meaning. Um, awesome?
*The fall rugby season has commenced and my body feels like it has been hit by a truck
*I neglected to mention my Deftones story going up- http://definethemeaning.com/2010/07/26/deftones-tour-through-2010-to-support-diamond-eyes/
*Cathy and I (more credit to Cathy) beat Mario 3 for Nintendo Saturday night
*I finished reading Eat, Pray, Love
*I started reading Three Cups of Tea
*I spent most of the weekend inebriated or in bed

While the past week has been a bit of a roller coaster ride, it’s one more week down. My emotions have been all over the place and the closer it gets to September, the antsier I become. On the hour drive to practice last night, I went through each of the months since January in my head. Things like SXSW and being able to wear a jacket feel like forever ago. When I go all the way back to January 20, I want to die a little every time I think about how long ago it feels and how truly awful that day was. I’ve never written down my full account and feelings on the day Shane left, and I’m not there quite yet.

It just sits in a dark corner of my brain as a day that I hate to think about. Kids holding onto their Daddys’ legs, the dramatic march out of the gym, the feeling that I rather die than have to endure this year- not too pleasant. But to think that was more than half a year ago, and reminding myself that time continues to press on- well, that helps.

Two hours of rugby later, I felt much better. Until the final part of my drive home. When it reached 10pm and I hadn’t received a call from Shane that I thought was coming, I lost it. So, for the first time in a good month, I cried. And then I cried some more. I listened to “Signs” by Bloc Party on repeat and continued to cry. And then…

Shane called me.

A half hour later, I was all smiles and went to sleep feeling completely fine again. Welcome to deployment. The force that can make you want to die and then remind you why you’re alive again all in the time it takes to drive from Austin to Killeen.