One Last Thing For Now...

I almost forgot to post this video; I've been wanting to do it for awhile and today seems more than appropriate. I came across this song a couple of months ago, and have been in love with it ever since. It's helped me through these final months! So in the name of me being disgustingly mushy and excited and nervous and loopy, I present you with "Winter Song" by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson. :-)

Butterflies, Butterflies, Butterflies

I am leaving for the Welcome Home ceremony in about an hour and a half. I am drinking coffee (as if I need any) and thought I'd post a little something this morning while energy is surging through every cell in my body. I am more excited than I have ever been for anything! Part of me can't believe this year is finally over, yet part feels like it should have been over months ago. What a crazy year it has been. I am beyond ready to have Shane home!

There's really not much left to say other than "we did it!" Shane is flying over American soil at this very moment and the emotion I feel more so than any other is utter relief. Hooray for this long hard year finally coming to an end. The final countdown...3 hours! Time to get ready, Shane is almost home!!!

Okay, We’re There! Now What?

With Shane on his way home (en route from Germany, less than 12 hours to go), you might be wondering if I intend on putting "Are We There Yet" To rest.

No.

Though the substance of my blog will obviously shift to life with Shane, I want to keep it running because let’s face it, we’re always going somewhere in life. So, "Are We There Yet" will remain the title for the umbrella enclosing my rantings and ravings.

I have had a surprising number of people tell me that they read my blog since I started this thing up. Not only has it become my own personal source of comfort to write and know people are reading, but I am happy that my posts can keep my friends (and stalkers) in the loop of what’s going on with me.

We do have a new countdown to begin though, and that is Shane getting out of the Army. We are less than a year away from being your (better than) average civilian couple, so that’s exciting I guess. Where will we go from Texas? We’re not really sure, and we don’t exactly have to figure it out just yet. For now, I just want to enjoy life having my husband home.

Thanks to all of you who have continued to follow me. Your support means more than you know.

Here goes my attempt at some sleep my last night on my own. Seeing Shane in the morninggggggg!

Almost There!

Shane will be on his way back to America in the next half a day or so. He should arrive Tuesday morning at 11am. Thank goodness, because this whole waiting thing absolutely blows. I'd say I'm trying to be patient, but I think all the patience I had left was spent this week. I think I wore myself out to a point that literally made myself sick, because I was living on Dayquil/Nyquil Friday and Saturday. And, I NEVER get sick. I slept a lot this weekend, and I am feeling pretty okay now.

I have everything completely done and ready. A perfect apartment, a kitchen stocked with food and liquor, and a cute outfit picked out for seeing Shane again. All that's left is the next 36 hours.

There's really nothing left to say. Shane will be home soon, and I am beyond words to explain how it feels.

Before crashing for the second to last night I've got on my own, I thought I'd do a little thank you-

Dear family and friends,

I couldn’t have gotten through deployment without all of the love and support I’ve had from family and friends, so this is my thank you. My parents have been incredible this year. When I first told my Mom and Dad I was moving to Texas and would probably end up marrying the boy I was moving for, I think they both thought I was out of my mind. Nonetheless, I have had their blessing from the start of my Texan adventure. When deployment rolled around, I had nothing but encouragement all around from loved ones around the world, and I will be forever grateful. People who I didn’t even know kept tabs on me occasionally dropped a message in my inbox or wrote on my Facebook wall to let me know they did indeed care. To my family, Shane’s family, my friends, and Shane’s friends alike, thank you. Thank you for checking up on me, making me laugh, listening to me cry, visiting me, and your endless words of encouragement.

Love,

Melanie

This time tomorrow night I think I will be going insane. I can't wait!

Gone But Not Forgotten

Yesterday I was on Facebook and noticed the status of a girl I went to high school with: “Remember freedom isn't free...RIP Ben I love you and you will truly be missed... Thank u for fighting for our country.”

I researched a little deeper and discovered that this girl's friend, PFC Benjamin Moore, was a combat engineer from Hamilton, NJ, Shane’s same job and hometown. Moore was killed by an IED in Afghanistan early Wednesday.

Needless to say, the story has shaken me up a bit and has given me a whole lot of perspective on this past year. It truly hit me after Maldonado was killed back in August that anyone can die in combat. Death in wartime is a complete roll of the dice; it can strike anywhere, anytime. It’s a matter of being in the wrong place at a given moment.

My thoughts are with Moore’s family, and all of the other families who have had to endure the pain of their soldier giving the ultimate sacrifice. I will never understand their pain, and I will never take my not needing to for granted.

Story on Moore:

http://www.nj.com/mercer/index.ssf/2011/01/bomb_claims_local_soldier_in_a.html

Hurry Up and Wait

Winter has finally reached Texas and it has been in the 30s for the past two days. I assume my heat hasn't had much use in the past few years, and either doesn't work or just doesn't remember how to anymore. I am fucking freezing.

But it's okay, I'll have a husband home on Saturday who can hold me and help keep me warm, right? Wrong.

The Army should have had Shane out on a plane by now but that didn't happen. I woke up to a text from Shane this morning letting me know their flight was canceled, and that no one has any idea when it will be rescheduled for. The original window we were given was the 14th-18th. Then it was narrowed to possibly the 15th. Now, who the hell knows. I mean, the latest they can have him back is the 18th, but that is a week away. And please no one tell me what's another week when you've already done a year. That was my stance, but I am reaching my breaking point. I am so annoyed with the Army I came home from a good run with zero appetite. That never happens.

So, I no longer have any clue what day Shane will be home. Time to play the waiting game. I guess the new countdown is back up to a week, and should it go down from there, it will be a pleasant surprise. I haven't had a good night of sleep since last Wednesday or Thursday because I've been so excited. But now I am exhausted. I am anxious. I am annoyed. I am frustrated. I am freezing. I am still excited, but this wait is starting to eat away at me.

At least Shane is just hanging out in Afghanistan waiting and not looking for IEDs anymore. Whew.

Dear John (Shane)

After three episodes of Law and Order SVU tonight, I needed something a little less serious. Especially when the victim's name in episode three was Shane. So, I went through netflix and somehow decided that I was ready to handle Dear John. I don't think I could have watched that damn movie any other week but this one...the week Shane comes home!

The flick was everything I thought it would be. Nauseatingly mushy, hot dude in uniform, the whole falling in love with a soldier and doing the long distance thing. It wasn't awesome, it was just close to home.

The difference is my happily ever after is in real life. And I'm not bug-eyed like that weirdo actress. And Shane is more handsome and has way better hair than John. (Shane hardly has any, John has a dork comb-over) In short, we are the real-life, better-looking, less cheesy version of the movie.

Again, I've said it before. I'm not modest. In fact, I feel entitled to be conceited when it comes to my marriage.

Anyway, Dear John made me break a month of not crying. I'm a little mad about it. I didn't cry because of John and Savannah's crap though, I cried out of happiness that Shane is done missions and will soon be on his way home to me.

Deployment Overview

It’s difficult to think back to the day Shane deployed, because all I can remember is crying harder than I ever have in my life. In the week following his departure, Dear John was released on the big screen and Lady Antebellum’s “I Need You Now” hit the radio. But hey, what's a little extra torture?

Well, I joined the Austin Valkyries in that first week too, which was the best decision I made this year. I met a group of 30 awesome chicks who gave me reason to stay fit and make new friends. I still plan on playing once Shane is back. He’s encouraging it, actually.

Looking back on the year, most of January and February is a blur, because it was my period of adjusting to dealing with my husband being in a war-zone. March brought South By Southwest and friends visiting, which was a nice break from the reality of how long I still had to go before R&R. In April, it was warm enough to start going tubing in Texas, and close enough to September to start looking at all things Paris. In May I went home for Memorial Day weekend, and got the dose of family I needed. In June, my mom and sisters came to visit me, and we had a blast in Austin. My friend Rachel came down the weekend after to celebrate July 4^th Texas style which was awesome. Soon after that I began booking hotels for Paris after a few months of hard research. I spent the rest of July and August shopping for cute things to wear for the 15 days of the year I got to see Shane. On August 21, war became all too real, when Shane’s truck got hit and his friend Maldonado was killed. I still think of that awful incident every single day, and feel blessed Shane is okay. The rest of August was heart wrenching, but before I knew it, I was in the Charles De Gaulle Airport with Shane standing in front of me. After those two amazing weeks, it was back to the reality of life sucking. In October, I had a wedding to fly home for, and November brought some fantastic shows. In December, I moved to a new apartment for me and Shane, and then went home for the holidays. Which brings me to now, almost a week before Shane’s expected return date.

Throw in a few moments of wanting to die, several nights of needing meds to help calm my nerves, and more tears than you can imagine, and there you have my experience with deployment in a nutshell. On the happier side of things, I have had hundreds of good conversations with Shane, quite a few flower deliveries and the most incredible vacation of all time.

My final thought is that war sucks, and I can only speak from the wife side of things. I obviously wasn’t the one out there putting my life on the line, eating shitty food for a year, and running on minimal sleep most days. I give Shane all the credit in the world for going on missions day in and day out, and dealing with everything he has this year. He has been an excellent soldier and husband, I have been a supportive wife, and I am extremely proud of what we have accomplished both separate and together. Hooray for this year finally almost coming to an end!

9 (almost 8) days to go! Yay single digits!

Army Wives

A few months back, I was at a rugby social when a fellow teammate introduced me to her boyfriend as “Melanie, the Army wife.” As I reached out my hand for the shake, I forced my mouth to move into a smile as I said something along the lines of “Nice to meet you.”

Until that day, I always thought of myself as a woman who was married to a man in the Army, but that those things were separate. I tried not to succumb to the “Army wife” label and all that it entailed. It’s not that I’m not proud to have a husband in the Army; everyone and their mother who knows me knows I damn well am. It’s more the fact that I have a whole life outside of my husband being in the Army. Hell, I don’t even use the Army’s insurance since I have my own through work. It’s just a silly label, I know, but the connotation bothered me for awhile.

As time has gone on, I care less and less, so I guess I can say I am an Army wife. A really good one at that.

With deployment almost over, I can stand up and say I have given my all as Shane’s wife this year, and I have zero regrets. I sent Shane somewhere between 40-50 care packages this year (I lost count after sending one a week for the first few months), while holding things down on the homefront such as paying bills, taking care of the car, and keeping my eye on the big picture. Sending care packages like it’s my job doesn’t alone make me a good wife, I realize, my point is just that I put everything into those packs. I’d search far and wide for the perfect things to send him, because I knew it’d make him happy. When your husband is 8,000 miles away for a year and putting together weekly boxes is your only way to feel close to him, you’d do it too.

I built a life for myself here after Shane deployed. I joined a rugby team, I made friends here in Killeen, and I kept busy with reading, writing, and working out. I am proud of everything I have accomplished.

I’m not one for being modest, so flat out, I’ve been a role model wife this deployment. Shane’s got it made and he knows it.

Other soldiers have not been so lucky. Fighting and cheating have all hit hard, and I can’t say I’m entirely too surprised by the latest rumor of 10 (or so) couples from Shane’s unit getting divorced. The fighting I get, though Shane and I were smooth sailing for this entire ride. It is hard to keep a relationship happy and chipper when you’ve got oceans between you. The cheating thing, I have no tolerance. To the soldiers who over there who couldn’t keep it in there pants, and to the wives here who got a little too lonely one (in some cases more than one) night, I think you suck. Period.

A lot of the Army wife stereotypes do ring true, in my opinion. Fort Hood is the largest military installation in the country, so I’ve seen my fair share of “Army wives.” As much as I love to shit talk, I will try and keep this part brief. For every strong ass kicking Army wife, I’m convinced there’s one who has left her ring on her nightstand before a night on the town with friends. Then there’s the undeniably high number of pregnant chicks who are still just teenagers. But hey, they are Army wives too. Then there’s the slew of Army wives who also have a boyfriend.

However, I have met many Army wives in this town who are amazing women. Women who have stood by their husband for eight or more deployments. Women who manage to hold a job and raise the kids while dealing with the daily fears deployment brings.

Now that I’ve gone through a deployment, I can attest to the fact that being an Army wife, especially when your husband is in a war-zone, is difficult. But I did it. I do not feel entitled to anything for my role as a soldier’s wife. I’m sick of the “you’re so strong, how do you do it” crap I still get. I do it because I choose to do it. Shane signed up to be in the Army, and I signed up to be his wife. The end.

Homecoming Update

I received this message in an email today-

"Currently 510th is scheduled to fly on the second flight with possible arrival on 15 Jan. Time of ceremony is currently unknown. We should find out as we get closer. They could arrive at any time of the day."

Meaning exactly 2 weeks from this very moment, I could be with Shane. It still all feels a bit surreal, and hasn't totally hit me. I think I was excited for about 12 weeks leading up to Paris. But with his actual homecoming, I find that I probably won't freak out until the last few days. I still have another 14 or so days to get through, which for now, seems like a lot.

Ah! Must make time pass! I'll probably go to sleep early tonight so it can just be tomorrow already. Another day closer.

January 15th, hurry the hell up. I am so over deployment.