Okay, so I have spent a few hours of today just watching videos of all sorts (most of which included live Springsteen footage, circa 1985). After seeing Green Day a couple days ago and getting teary eyed at the show when they played this song at the encore, I thought about the music video- a video I hadn't seen until a year and a half ago when I was interning at MTV News. When we were putting together a couple of segments in honor of the band's release of 21st Century Breakdown, I got to go through a bunch of music videos, and when I popped this one in, I needed to excuse myself and take a minute to cry. I'm not really sure how I had managed to never see the video until then.
I didn't think I could handle watching it again for a long time. I gave it a second shot just now though. And duh, I cried. The song hits close to home, for obvious reasons.
In my case, "Wake Me Up When September Ends" will refer to the dream-like state I will be in for most of the month, living out a fairy tale vacation in France. I wish it would last forever. *sigh*
Not trying to be a downer, just felt like sharing...enjoy?
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Things Are Looking Up
One of the longest weeks since deployment began has finally come to an end. And in another, I will be on a plane. Yes!
I began to perk up on Thursday, after that AFI/Green Day show. A mini road trip to Dallas, and seeing Davey Havok and Billie Joe proved to be just the sort of therapy I needed to get over last Sunday’s devastating news. The concert was fantastic as I expected it to be. AFI only played 10 songs, but I’ll take what I can get. Green Day played a fucking 3 hour set. I almost died at the point where Davey joined Billie on stage. He didn’t stay long, but it was long enough for someone to take the below picture which I stole off the internet:
And although not a single one of you reading care, I need to point out that Davey Havok was sporting a beard and was looking better than ever. It’s borderline creepy how much I love that man. Shane’s okay with it, I think. And if he’s not, whatever. I’m going on my 11th year or so of loving Davey. It’s a love that won’t quit.
As far as the death of Shane’s friend, I have accepted what happened, I am grateful Shane is fine, and am now looking forward to 8 days from now, when we will both arrive in Paris. I have talked to Shane a lot lately, and he seems to be doing well. I was a pretty huge mess for most of this week, but things are looking up. Shane is done missions until after R&R, which has completely calmed my mind. I don’t have to worry about him for about a month! It’s a nice feeling.
I had a rugby game yesterday. We kicked the shit out of Houston. It was a blast as usual. The rest of the day involved good company, swimming, beer and eating Mexican food. I found myself feeling happy. Like, legit happy. Next weekend this time, I will be boarding my flight out of the country. Which reminds me, I need to actually start packing!
7 months down, 7 days to go.
I began to perk up on Thursday, after that AFI/Green Day show. A mini road trip to Dallas, and seeing Davey Havok and Billie Joe proved to be just the sort of therapy I needed to get over last Sunday’s devastating news. The concert was fantastic as I expected it to be. AFI only played 10 songs, but I’ll take what I can get. Green Day played a fucking 3 hour set. I almost died at the point where Davey joined Billie on stage. He didn’t stay long, but it was long enough for someone to take the below picture which I stole off the internet:
And although not a single one of you reading care, I need to point out that Davey Havok was sporting a beard and was looking better than ever. It’s borderline creepy how much I love that man. Shane’s okay with it, I think. And if he’s not, whatever. I’m going on my 11th year or so of loving Davey. It’s a love that won’t quit.
As far as the death of Shane’s friend, I have accepted what happened, I am grateful Shane is fine, and am now looking forward to 8 days from now, when we will both arrive in Paris. I have talked to Shane a lot lately, and he seems to be doing well. I was a pretty huge mess for most of this week, but things are looking up. Shane is done missions until after R&R, which has completely calmed my mind. I don’t have to worry about him for about a month! It’s a nice feeling.
I had a rugby game yesterday. We kicked the shit out of Houston. It was a blast as usual. The rest of the day involved good company, swimming, beer and eating Mexican food. I found myself feeling happy. Like, legit happy. Next weekend this time, I will be boarding my flight out of the country. Which reminds me, I need to actually start packing!
7 months down, 7 days to go.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
R.I.P.
Life has been a blur since Sunday morning. I am finding myself at a loss for words right now, so I went with a picture to speak for me. That’s Shane on the very right. Standing beside him is PFC Alexis Maldonado, who was killed in action on Saturday. May he rest in peace.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Reality Check: We’re at WAR
For the past few days, I’ve gone through dozens of ideas for my next post. All of them, however, have been overshadowed by the recent death of a soldier from Shane’s unit which I found out about first thing this morning. Out of respect, I don’t want to mention his name and I can’t give details, but the short of it is, it has hit very close to home. Not only was he a friend of Shane who used to come over our house, but he was also in the same vehicle as Shane on this given mission.
This is the first casualty of war for his unit since Shane deployed. War has never felt so real until now. Sometimes I forget- between seeing Shane’s face on skype at least once a week and talking to him on gchat pretty often- that this is a fucking war and people are being killed everyday.
I don’t believe in God. I never did. However, I do believe there’s something out there though- for Shane to have left the building just in time on November 5, 2009 and to have been okay after this recent tragedy. I don’t know what to call it, but the universe is working in ways to ensure our happily ever after.
My mind is so all over the place I think I’ll just end here. I mean, what can you say when bad things happen? Just have to be grateful for the things you have and move on, knowing that time will lessen the pain.
This too shall pass.
This is the first casualty of war for his unit since Shane deployed. War has never felt so real until now. Sometimes I forget- between seeing Shane’s face on skype at least once a week and talking to him on gchat pretty often- that this is a fucking war and people are being killed everyday.
I don’t believe in God. I never did. However, I do believe there’s something out there though- for Shane to have left the building just in time on November 5, 2009 and to have been okay after this recent tragedy. I don’t know what to call it, but the universe is working in ways to ensure our happily ever after.
My mind is so all over the place I think I’ll just end here. I mean, what can you say when bad things happen? Just have to be grateful for the things you have and move on, knowing that time will lessen the pain.
This too shall pass.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Things to Live For
It's official. This countdown is fucking killing me.
210 days since Shane left and 20 until I'm on my way to Paris. I wish I could teach my brain to not think this way, but I truly can't help it. But hey, I'm getting there day by day.
I have some excitement to keep me busy for now though. I am in the running for a writing gig for a music website that I have followed for as long as I can remember. I rather not mention it until my acceptance or rejection, but I can say that I really fucking want it. I am in the top five who were chosen and I have an assignment to turn in tomorrow. Hopefully I'll know by the end of the week. Fingers crossed!
In other exciting news, I am going to the AFI/Green Day tour next week in Dallas. I got these tickets back in April so I am super pumped the show is almost finally here. Davey and Billie Joe all in one night in the GA section...totally worth the wait.
10 days after that, it's Paris time. While I know those two weeks will be amazing, the whole goodbye thing is going to suck hard. Luckily there are things to follow after R&R that will keep me going until Shane's return in January- most of the musical sort of course. Austin City Limits, Fun Fun Fun Fest, Social D and Mumford and Sons are on deck for now, along with flying to NYC in October to be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding. Then there's a handful of rugby games too. Hooray for things to live for!
Time for bed. Excited to be in the teens (19 days!) countdown when I wake up tomorrow.
210 days since Shane left and 20 until I'm on my way to Paris. I wish I could teach my brain to not think this way, but I truly can't help it. But hey, I'm getting there day by day.
I have some excitement to keep me busy for now though. I am in the running for a writing gig for a music website that I have followed for as long as I can remember. I rather not mention it until my acceptance or rejection, but I can say that I really fucking want it. I am in the top five who were chosen and I have an assignment to turn in tomorrow. Hopefully I'll know by the end of the week. Fingers crossed!
In other exciting news, I am going to the AFI/Green Day tour next week in Dallas. I got these tickets back in April so I am super pumped the show is almost finally here. Davey and Billie Joe all in one night in the GA section...totally worth the wait.
10 days after that, it's Paris time. While I know those two weeks will be amazing, the whole goodbye thing is going to suck hard. Luckily there are things to follow after R&R that will keep me going until Shane's return in January- most of the musical sort of course. Austin City Limits, Fun Fun Fun Fest, Social D and Mumford and Sons are on deck for now, along with flying to NYC in October to be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding. Then there's a handful of rugby games too. Hooray for things to live for!
Time for bed. Excited to be in the teens (19 days!) countdown when I wake up tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Mel and the City
Now that it’s been a year and several months since I made my decision to move to Texas, I’d like to take a moment to reflect, because that’s the sort of mood I’m in.
Not so long after I proudly accepted my diploma for four years of busting my ass at Rutgers, I decided I saw more of a future in Texas than in my beloved New York City, where I always thought I would nail a job straight after graduation.
After several months of applications, I had enough. I was wasting time. Shane was set to deploy eight months from the time I graduated. If we were going to be serious about the future, it meant me putting my big city dreams in the Big Apple on hold.
I surprised everyone, including myself, when I decided that what I really wanted was to pack as much as I could fit into my goofy yellow car and drive…1500 miles southwest toward my future. My family and friends thought I was insane and acting on a whim. “Oh she just graduated; she doesn’t know what she wants out of life," yadda yadda.
Well, shit. Here I am, on the one year anniversary of having a big girl job, and happily married. (Well, as happy as one could be when their husband is in a war zone 8,000 miles away). I made life in Texas happen, and I am damn proud.
I found a quote today which inspired this entire entry. Of course it’s a Carrie Bradshaw quote, the one TV character I ever seriously fell in love with-
“Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, have babies, or be who we are. After all, things change and so do cities. People come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart... and if you're very lucky, a plane ride away” – Carrie, Sex and the City
Thanks Carrie.
Fortunately, I do have a supportive family back in NJ/PA and amazing friends who have been there for me every step of the way. Sadly, I can’t just hop on a plane to Afghanistan. But I can hop on a plane to Paris in (drum roll please, here’s another countdown…) 26 days.
Shane has another year and a couple of months left in the Army. After that, who knows what’s next for us crazy kids. NYC still lies in the core of my heart and I know it will happen when the timing is right. It has to!
I think what surprised people so much was my independent and at times overly determined nature- what Melanie wants, Melanie gets- and the fact that I temporarily scrapped my goals in the name of love. I’m learning it’s all about happiness, and I am happy with where I am at.
I end on my new favorite quote- also by yours truly, Carrie Bradshaw.
“Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.”
I found my someone. New York City can wait.
Not so long after I proudly accepted my diploma for four years of busting my ass at Rutgers, I decided I saw more of a future in Texas than in my beloved New York City, where I always thought I would nail a job straight after graduation.
After several months of applications, I had enough. I was wasting time. Shane was set to deploy eight months from the time I graduated. If we were going to be serious about the future, it meant me putting my big city dreams in the Big Apple on hold.
I surprised everyone, including myself, when I decided that what I really wanted was to pack as much as I could fit into my goofy yellow car and drive…1500 miles southwest toward my future. My family and friends thought I was insane and acting on a whim. “Oh she just graduated; she doesn’t know what she wants out of life," yadda yadda.
Well, shit. Here I am, on the one year anniversary of having a big girl job, and happily married. (Well, as happy as one could be when their husband is in a war zone 8,000 miles away). I made life in Texas happen, and I am damn proud.
I found a quote today which inspired this entire entry. Of course it’s a Carrie Bradshaw quote, the one TV character I ever seriously fell in love with-
“Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, have babies, or be who we are. After all, things change and so do cities. People come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart... and if you're very lucky, a plane ride away” – Carrie, Sex and the City
Thanks Carrie.
Fortunately, I do have a supportive family back in NJ/PA and amazing friends who have been there for me every step of the way. Sadly, I can’t just hop on a plane to Afghanistan. But I can hop on a plane to Paris in (drum roll please, here’s another countdown…) 26 days.
Shane has another year and a couple of months left in the Army. After that, who knows what’s next for us crazy kids. NYC still lies in the core of my heart and I know it will happen when the timing is right. It has to!
I think what surprised people so much was my independent and at times overly determined nature- what Melanie wants, Melanie gets- and the fact that I temporarily scrapped my goals in the name of love. I’m learning it’s all about happiness, and I am happy with where I am at.
I end on my new favorite quote- also by yours truly, Carrie Bradshaw.
“Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free til they find someone just as wild to run with them.”
I found my someone. New York City can wait.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Fidelity anyone?
A soldier deploys, leaving behind his wife. He works hard knowing his first deployment will be his last while she keeps herself as busy as possible and hangs out with friends, always returning home to an empty bed. She wouldn’t have it any other way.
A soldier deploys, leaving behind his wife and three kids for a year. He busts his ass wanting nothing more to come home, while the wife works equally as hard taking care of the kids, bills, and life stateside while waiting for his return.
A soldier deploys, leaving behind his wife and kid for a year. He immediately starts getting ass from another soldier overseas. She’s married too.
A soldier deploys, leaving behind his wife and kids. Several months into the deployment, the loneliness is just too great to handle so she seeks out someone to keep her husband’s side of the bed warm.
A soldier deploys, leaving his wife and kid. He returns home for R&R to visit his family for a week, after spending a week with his girlfriend first.
A soldier deploys, leaving behind her baby with her husband. She finds several men to make time go by faster while her husband raises their child in her first year of life.
A soldier deploys, leaving behind his or her spouse. Only the strong survive, it seems.
I have now been submerged into the crazy Army life dynamic for a year and all I can say is- it’s awful how poorly people treat each other. It blows my mind just how widespread infidelity really is. Just a couple of weeks after Shane deployed, stories started popping up of soldiers cheating abroad, and wives cheating here. Why get married in the first place? The numerous stories I’ve heard make me sick, and while everyone has their reasons for doing what they do, the fact remains that it’s depressing. I am proud to say I love my husband and believe in what I have enough to successfully make it a year on my own. Kudos to all the other strong women I know out there.
A soldier deploys, leaving behind his wife and three kids for a year. He busts his ass wanting nothing more to come home, while the wife works equally as hard taking care of the kids, bills, and life stateside while waiting for his return.
A soldier deploys, leaving behind his wife and kid for a year. He immediately starts getting ass from another soldier overseas. She’s married too.
A soldier deploys, leaving behind his wife and kids. Several months into the deployment, the loneliness is just too great to handle so she seeks out someone to keep her husband’s side of the bed warm.
A soldier deploys, leaving his wife and kid. He returns home for R&R to visit his family for a week, after spending a week with his girlfriend first.
A soldier deploys, leaving behind her baby with her husband. She finds several men to make time go by faster while her husband raises their child in her first year of life.
A soldier deploys, leaving behind his or her spouse. Only the strong survive, it seems.
I have now been submerged into the crazy Army life dynamic for a year and all I can say is- it’s awful how poorly people treat each other. It blows my mind just how widespread infidelity really is. Just a couple of weeks after Shane deployed, stories started popping up of soldiers cheating abroad, and wives cheating here. Why get married in the first place? The numerous stories I’ve heard make me sick, and while everyone has their reasons for doing what they do, the fact remains that it’s depressing. I am proud to say I love my husband and believe in what I have enough to successfully make it a year on my own. Kudos to all the other strong women I know out there.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Whoops, it's been a whole week
I realize I have let an entire week go by without posting. It’s been part because I’ve been busy, and part that I’ve been a fucking whackjob lately. PMS? Deploymentitis? Whatever the reason, I’m here now. To recap on the past few days…
*It is August! Which means I will be seeing Shane NEXT MONTH
*I interviewed Slayer’s Dave Lombardo on Friday for my magazine, Define The Meaning. Um, awesome?
*The fall rugby season has commenced and my body feels like it has been hit by a truck
*I neglected to mention my Deftones story going up- http://definethemeaning.com/2010/07/26/deftones-tour-through-2010-to-support-diamond-eyes/
*Cathy and I (more credit to Cathy) beat Mario 3 for Nintendo Saturday night
*I finished reading Eat, Pray, Love
*I started reading Three Cups of Tea
*I spent most of the weekend inebriated or in bed
While the past week has been a bit of a roller coaster ride, it’s one more week down. My emotions have been all over the place and the closer it gets to September, the antsier I become. On the hour drive to practice last night, I went through each of the months since January in my head. Things like SXSW and being able to wear a jacket feel like forever ago. When I go all the way back to January 20, I want to die a little every time I think about how long ago it feels and how truly awful that day was. I’ve never written down my full account and feelings on the day Shane left, and I’m not there quite yet.
It just sits in a dark corner of my brain as a day that I hate to think about. Kids holding onto their Daddys’ legs, the dramatic march out of the gym, the feeling that I rather die than have to endure this year- not too pleasant. But to think that was more than half a year ago, and reminding myself that time continues to press on- well, that helps.
Two hours of rugby later, I felt much better. Until the final part of my drive home. When it reached 10pm and I hadn’t received a call from Shane that I thought was coming, I lost it. So, for the first time in a good month, I cried. And then I cried some more. I listened to “Signs” by Bloc Party on repeat and continued to cry. And then…
Shane called me.
A half hour later, I was all smiles and went to sleep feeling completely fine again. Welcome to deployment. The force that can make you want to die and then remind you why you’re alive again all in the time it takes to drive from Austin to Killeen.
*It is August! Which means I will be seeing Shane NEXT MONTH
*I interviewed Slayer’s Dave Lombardo on Friday for my magazine, Define The Meaning. Um, awesome?
*The fall rugby season has commenced and my body feels like it has been hit by a truck
*I neglected to mention my Deftones story going up- http://definethemeaning.com/2010/07/26/deftones-tour-through-2010-to-support-diamond-eyes/
*Cathy and I (more credit to Cathy) beat Mario 3 for Nintendo Saturday night
*I finished reading Eat, Pray, Love
*I started reading Three Cups of Tea
*I spent most of the weekend inebriated or in bed
While the past week has been a bit of a roller coaster ride, it’s one more week down. My emotions have been all over the place and the closer it gets to September, the antsier I become. On the hour drive to practice last night, I went through each of the months since January in my head. Things like SXSW and being able to wear a jacket feel like forever ago. When I go all the way back to January 20, I want to die a little every time I think about how long ago it feels and how truly awful that day was. I’ve never written down my full account and feelings on the day Shane left, and I’m not there quite yet.
It just sits in a dark corner of my brain as a day that I hate to think about. Kids holding onto their Daddys’ legs, the dramatic march out of the gym, the feeling that I rather die than have to endure this year- not too pleasant. But to think that was more than half a year ago, and reminding myself that time continues to press on- well, that helps.
Two hours of rugby later, I felt much better. Until the final part of my drive home. When it reached 10pm and I hadn’t received a call from Shane that I thought was coming, I lost it. So, for the first time in a good month, I cried. And then I cried some more. I listened to “Signs” by Bloc Party on repeat and continued to cry. And then…
Shane called me.
A half hour later, I was all smiles and went to sleep feeling completely fine again. Welcome to deployment. The force that can make you want to die and then remind you why you’re alive again all in the time it takes to drive from Austin to Killeen.
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